Eight Things Only your #Squad Understands

By: Justin Robertson
squad
Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for EMM Group)
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The world can be an unforgiving place, which is why, for as long as humans have existed, we have gravitated to gathering in groups. Having a close-knit squad is not only emotionally supportive but makes you better as a person, as well. Steel sharpens steel. Your squad inspires you when you’re feeling uncreative, lifts you up when you’re feeling down.

It’s actually statistically improbable that a squad could be comprised of as many brilliant/good-looking/generous people as yours does, but your squad beat the odds. It’s true! Your squad is the best.

After knowing each other for so long, you start to develop a hive mind, an intuitive comprehension. You can finish each other’s sentences, guess what food someone will order at a restaurant, and much more. In those moments when your squad is firing on all cylinders, it’s a beautiful thing to witness. Magic happens. Because of your collective experiences, there are certain things that only you all understand. A message of just a poodle emoji may seem like gibberish to outsiders, but if your friend is out on a date you know exactly what that means. Here are 8 Things Only Your #Squad Understands.

Group Text
The group text is the lifeblood of the squad, the primordial soup whence all squad springs forth.

It acts as a repository for all the important, unimportant, and important unimportant things that occur in your lives: recounting personal stories, figuring out what toppings to get on the pizza that’s about to get ordered, arranging plans for the night, getting details about subtweets, etc. The group text is a safe zone. It’s a place you can retreat to and earnestly ask tough questions in private or rank Kanye West albums and not get fried into oblivion for putting Yeezus below The College Dropout.

Of course, you’ll still have group DMs and chats and interact publicly on various social media platforms, but the squad knows that the only thing more important than the group text is breathing, which facilitates being able to be in the group text.

Smaller Memes
Inside jokes are no more. The updated vernacular is “smaller memes” (but the whole squad already knew that). Most smaller memes will be generated in the group text, which is why you should never be away from your phone for more than two minutes at a time. FOMO can be deadly.

Everything can be turned into a smaller meme—typos, emoji meanings, a face one of you made in a picture you didn’t know was being taken.

Remember to speak almost entirely in smaller memes when around others. Whether they embrace it and join in or get annoyed will quickly tell you who is worth being adjunct squad, and who you will make fun of in the group text later.

The Importance of The Night’s Aesthetic
Any group of people can get dressed up and go out, but a true squad has an aesthetic. That doesn’t mean that you all dress the same. After all, you are all unique, and a squad celebrates that uniqueness. It means that everyone’s outfit complements the others. It is unifying. Nothing worse than seeing a squad that thinks they are a squad but are actually just a ragtag bunch of humans. Bless their hearts. “Health Goth” and “Miami Vice extra” are perfectly good looks but not within the same group.

Here are a few suggestions for your next night out: ‘80s Action Movie Villain, 19th-Century British Dandy, Industrial Age Coal Miner, Early 2000s Pop Singer, Senior Citizen on a Cruise.

Group Photo Mechanics
If you do something and don’t extensively document it via photos, did you even really do anything at all?

Each squadmate knows not only their best angles but also the other squadmates’ best angles. What’s the point of spending hours carefully curating your Instagram page and the squad’s look only to upload a slapdash pictorial? It’s essential that everyone gets to show off their best sides. That’s why when it’s time for a group photo, you know who needs to be where. The taller squadmates slightly bending down to make sure the shorter squadmates don’t look like dwarves. Someone may squat because it highlights their chiseled calves. Coordinated camera eye contact? Smiling? Not smiling? Which hand you hold the SOUR PATCH Slurpee with? Who posts and tags #SPKSlurpeeSelfie? All of that is intuitive.

Haters want to nitpick, but can’t when the whole squad is this gorgeous.

What to Listen To
Music is transformative. It can completely enhance, and ruin, a moment. Your squad spends a significant amount of its time finding the best music and sharing it with each other, so it’s only right that when you are together you soundtrack the activity appropriately.

The whole squad is constantly curating playlists for every occasion. Sure, there are the staples for generic turning up, chilling, etc. But even the most niche activity has a playlist that is no further away than a few seconds of buffering.

Crying in the club bathroom? Your squad has a playlist for that.

Spontaneous karaoke session in a fast food restaurant drive-thru? Your squad has a playlist for that.

Bonfire out in the country? Your squad has a playlist for that.

Hopelessly lost in the woods because someone… who will remain nameless… forgot the map and compass back at their apartment? Yep. Your squad even has a playlist for that.

Who Will Actually Show Up To Brunch The Next Morning
Obviously, everyone showing up to brunch the next morning is ideal. What good is a fun night out without a recap? However, there are a few reasons why a squadmate might not make it: they always forget to set their alarm (smaller meme alert!) or they had a little too much fun.

Both are excusable, and because the squad knows, there’s no guilt involved when everyone else is chowing down on some chicken and waffles while you are trying to retrace your steps to find your debit card.

Squad Roles
Much like an elite sports team, everyone has their role. You can’t have three Lebron Jameses all doing the same thing and expect to compete at the highest squad level. Defined roles are integral to the squad as it allows for the division of labor, which, in turn, elevates the squad’s performance. Everyone is a superstar, but in her own way.

Let’s say there is a concert this weekend you all want to go to. There will always be someone in the squad that “knows someone” that can get everybody in for free (possibly even VIP). There’s the person who will make all the plans about the time and place for everyone meet. There’s the person with the largest wardrobe to help out anyone needing to put the finishing touches on their look for the night. There’s the person who makes sure everyone is having a good time. There’s the person who remembers every detail of the night to recount it the next day to all those who don’t (“The Scribe”). And, of course, what squad would be complete without the person who will always loses her phone and doesn’t realize it until the next day?

Roles turn your squad into a well-oiled machine capable of taking over the world.

Who Are Your Enemies
The squad instinctively knows who to like and not to like upon first meeting people. Your collective hive mind is able to compare what you know about this person to past friendships, frenemies, and enemies in order to arrive at a likely outcome. This can save you countless hours of group text complaining and heartbreak.

Your squad keeps an exhaustive mental list of every affront other people have committed against squadmates. You have all memorized their names and faces, likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, Twitter/IG/Facebook pages, current and past relationships, and even their mother’s maiden names should you ever have to use them in defense of a squadmate.